How can one say how their heart hurts? how do you put into words...how do you express all the pain...the sorrow...the suffering.... that scary feeling of emptiness that overcomes you.... How do we ( i) let go? Can someone tell me

How do i transform the hurt and sadness inside of me into a distant memory...so it does´nt hurt anymore??

I´ve been through this so many times...i should be used to it...i should be tougher... BUT I`M NOT!!

Theirs this song i like alot, its called " I´ve got so much love to give "...this song suits me LOL, problem is you need two people to "SING " this song. I guess i still haven´t found what i´m lookin
g for

I always end up thinking its my fault:( I´m supossedly the one that messed things up...but i honestly don´t think it was my fault ...it can´t always be my fault, can it? Don´t thinbk its my fault (this time..... :S)
I think i did all i could do.. i tried my hardest...i gave all the love i could give, and i still have loads more to give, but she gave up.. NOT ME!

I would of given her the world..
LOVE.....CAMPANIONSHIP...FRIENDSHIP...LOYALTY...HAPPINESS...HONESTY...SECRUITY...LAUGHTER.... All of it...literaly ....THE WORLD! I guess she did´nt want that, shes probably looking for another idiot to treat her like shit or maybe she just wants to be by herself!?!?!?!?! but who wants to end up alone?? I don´t ..it scares me so bad!

When i see a couple walking hand in hand down the street or staring in to each others eyes while drinking a coffe ...i reallly envy them... i think to myself " i wish it was me "!!

I´m not special...i know...but i still want to find that special person...to share my life with. Is that asking to much? Is it??

Sometimes i just feel like giving up...i´ve been so close before...but i guess i did´nt have the bottle to do it. Hope i never do...i like this life...life can be really amazing...you know...its those little things....like when you wake up in the morning and open you´re window...and you can smell it all!!. ..( sounds stupid but you CAN really smell the "mornings" ) the freshness...the green...the ocean ...those anoying chickens making noises lol
Watching the sun "get " up, so many little things that amaze me, that make me smile and think i´m lucky to be here. I sould stop feeling sorry for my self should ´nt i???? I turn on the TV and see how FUCKED up the world is...i should just get on with my life..YEs?????

but things don´t work like that...do they? Human beeings are selfish by nature...i´m no different . I just wanna be happy ! FUCK YOU...FUCK EVERYBODY!!!

wHEN IS IT MY TURN TO BE HAPPY??????
not just a few days....weeks...months.... I want eternal happiness! I want it all! Why not? Hein?

OR DOES the universe have other plans for me?, maybe my story ends in a different way....destined to be sad and miserable for ever. The world does not evolve around me ! ( Note to self : REMEMBER THAT! )
MAybe the world does not give a FUCK about you Val!

" Good things happen to good people "
PEOPLE : THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!

We live our lifes hoping good things are just gonna drop from the sky ...but lets be honest some of us are not going to have the life we dreamed of....its a sad truth...but it IS THE TRUTH!

We can´t all be happy, life isn´t like that...but who decides???????????????
Isait God....is it the universe....is it luck...or is it the choices we make on a daily basis?? You know what i mean...." DO i turn left or do i turn right" ???, believe me this simple choice can change things in so many ways but do they determine our happiness???

So many questions and so few answers. Its funny but a couple of weeks ago i would´nt of thought about these things....i would´nt be questioning the WHY...or the HOW...or the WHEN....
because i was happy....REALLY HAPPY!

Why do we only think about he important stuff when we´re sad ? Human nature??? YEahhh lol

You know ...i´m opeing my heart out to whoever wants to read this, not really sure why...i think it helps me in some way.

I´m not a writer or a poet, actually i´m rubbish at writing , but some of the best stuff ever written i s when someone poured out their HEART....because you know its PURE!!! No bullshit just the truth...their version of the story!


Its hard...really hard! Some days are worse then others, when i stop and really think about it all, its then i feel lost and empty!!
Its like when you were young and you lost you´re favourite toy....or you´re pet animal died...thats how i feel now...but MULTIPLY IT BY A MILLION!!!...and you´re still not close to how i feel!

We are all supossed to be on a journey looking for happiness, i hope my journey ends soon....mine is leaviong to many scars!!

I want to share all the love inside of me with someone. How do you measure LOVE?? No idea...but i have tons and tons of it to give....but i´m scared....scared of giving it all...and getting none back...or it all ending too soon!:(

LIFE CAN FUCK YOU UP and knock you over....
Its not easy getting back up! Its so damm hard!!!

Am i a selfish person if i say i want the whole world to be sad and miserable and empty like me? Does this make me a bad person? ...that i´m no good?? Or does it make me human?

YEahhh ofcourse i´m beeing selfish...everybodu deserves a bit o happiness..even YOU!


Thats it for now...no more pouring my heart out to you all. I don´t know when i ll be writing here again..

If theirs a next chapter...its a bad sign...means i´m still fucked up!!

if i never write anything again...means my journey has ended...and i´ve found what i was looking for....HAPPINESS!!








( I hope we NEVER EVER meet again)